Perceptions Newsletter No. 20

Shelley Brierley’s Visit

We did an evaluation of Shelley’s visit, and were satisfied that there was nothing left undone – we were sorry that the ACT 2/3 didn’t have enough takers to be viable, but we are offering another opportunity later in the year. All of the courses Shelley conducted received positive comments, and there has been some call for Shelley to return – we hope to arrange this within our schedule.

At the “Blame to Balance 2” seminar, Shelley promised a more detailed copy of her handout on the key components of healthier relationships and here it is:

Key Components of Healthier Relationships
Original by Brierley & Gossen, 1986/Brierley updated 1999

  1. Each person knows what they want/what their limits and beliefs are, and what is important to them and can verbalise these in a situation where there is no external emotional load.
  2. Each person is able to verbalise his or her wants/limits and beliefs, and what is important to them in the current situation.
  3. Each person is able to hear and paraphrase the others’
    wants/limits/beliefs and what is important to them, with the other person.
  4. Each person negotiates how to get some of what they want/need and have their limits respected, what they value honoured with the other person while honouring their own beliefs and respecting their own limits.
  5. If “no” is the answer to # 4, each person is then responsible to figure out a way to be true to who they want to be in relation to their beliefs, outside of this relationship in a manner, which ideally, does not damage this relationship.

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